There are many ways to process a loss.
"Skylar! It's time to get up. Come on. It's time to get up and start your day. I mean, it's only noon." said Skylar's mom, Kathy.
"Mom, I can't. Not today," said Skylar.
"Look, Sky, I know you're heartbroken, but isn't it time you start leaning into your life? You and Chris were not great together. I never liked the effect he had on you. I know you lost a relationship that was important to you, but what are you doing after the loss?" asked Kathy.
"I don't know, mom. I'm trying to figure it out," said Skylar.
"Our flower beds, the ones between the firepit and the deck, need a good spring cleaning. I am inviting you to clean them up and plant some flowers. I picked flowers at the nursery. They're on the counter in the laundry room.
"Yeah, you mentioned it yesterday and the day before and the day before that."
"Good, you were listening! I look forward to seeing my beautiful flower beds. I will be in meetings for the rest of the afternoon. I hope you will accept my invitation, get out of bed, and do some gardening. Nature heals, Skylar. You will benefit from getting outdoors and your hands in the soil. "
"I know. I know. Nature Heals. Mother Nature is very healing. The soil is cleansing. Blah. Blah. Blah. Yeah, I got it," said Skylar
"I'll see you tonight," said Kathy.
"Yeah, see you, Mom," replied Skylar.
Skylar managed to get out of bed. She took a shower, got dressed, and went into the kitchen. She looked out of the kitchen window in the backyard. Her parents had a gardener, but the flower beds were always their domain.
Skylar went to the garage and grabbed her gardening gloves, tools, seeds, fertilizer, and other stuff she needed to clean the flower beds. She picked up the tray of flowers from the nursery. They were labeled wildflowers. She smiled. Her mom used to say she was her wildflower child. She remembered how much she loved going to the nursery with her mom in the spring to pick out flowers to plant. She walked out of the side door, across the yard, and put all of it on the ground.
Skylar removed the winter mulch, plucked the dead annuals, pulled the weeds, and put them in a wheelbarrow. She removed the dead leaves from a perennial, and a thought popped into her head.
She was a wildflower, a free spirit when they met Chris. He was a traditional, Brooks-Brothers-buttoned-up-
She had an epiphany! She had changed to make him happy, and it made her miserable.
"Oh my God! I gave my power away to Chris!" said Skylar. "Ugh, that's what Mom has been saying to me. God, I hate it when she's right! I kept denying it. Why wasn't I able to see this until now?" Skylar said aloud.
Skylar dumped the wheelbarrow near the composting site. She went back into the house, up to her bedroom closet, and opened a big cardboard box. She pulled out a pair of ripped and faded boyfriend-fit jeans, an old pair of Birkenstock sandals, an old concert T-shirt, and a flannel shirt that had seen better days and put all of them on.
She looked in the mirror. Now, this is how she used to dress. Jeans, T-shirts, and Birkenstocks. Chris hated her style. In his words, she looked unrefined.
She looked in the mirror again and said aloud, "I no longer care about Chris's opinion of me. I am tapping into my wildflower energy."
The next day, Skylar got up early and planted the wildflowers in the soil. She stepped back to look at her work. The flower beds were now clean and ready for the wildflowers to flourish.
Like the Wildflower, it is now her time to grow. Her time to be wild and free.
There are many ways to process a loss of a relationship, like Skylar connecting with nature to help her. If you or someone you know is processing loss, consider a gift box filled with positive rituals, care, and love. Sometimes, the simple act of giving one of our gift boxes helps someone find a way of processing loss.
Thank you for reading,
Andrea M. Tam
Founder @ Robiins
Processing loss. One gift box at a time.™