"Marriage can be an expansive experience. I want you to remember this," said Rebecca, the ordained minister, "There will be days when you may feel stretched to the limit, but if you dig deep inside yourself, you will discover that you can extend further than you ever thought."
Rebecca looked at the bride, Vivian, who looked a thousand miles away. Rebecca knew Vivian had connected with the message. Rebecca looked at Michelle, who quietly smiled at her while holding Vivian's hand.
Rebecca had high hopes for this couple. They had been through a lot, individually and as a couple. She hoped they would grow stronger together.
One year later.
"Dear Dad, ....You were arrogant and an authoritarian who always told me what to do and exactly how to do it. You were such a Mr. Know-It-All. There was a part of me that hated you, and there was a part that loved you because, well, you were my Dad," said Vivian as her voice started to crack. "I get so angry at Michelle because she's just like you, strict and overbearing. I get triggered every time she tells me what to do. It makes me feel small and insignificant. And that's exactly how you made me feel. I almost left my marriage because I had reached my limit."
Rebecca nodded in approval and said, "You're doing great, Viv."
Vivian took a deep breath and finished reading her letter aloud, "The truth is I recognize that I have been reacting to your behavior and taking it out on Michelle. In writing this letter, reading it aloud, and burning it outdoors, I am releasing the triggers and the negativity from my relationship with you. I am also forgiving you and myself and choosing to expand my heart to allow more love to come in."
Next, Vivian tore her letter into smaller pieces and threw them into the bonfire. Reading her letter aloud and burning it broke the bonds with her Dad.
Rebecca made eye contact with Vivian and said, "I want you to visualize a ring of fire above your head. It is a cleansing ring of fire that cuts, burns, melts anything attaching onto you that is not in your highest and best interest." Vivian followed Rebecca's verbal instructions, "And then you send the divine love and light to whoever or whatever you wrote the letter to, from you."
"That was beautiful, Viv. How are you feeling?" asked Rebecca.
"I feel good," said Vivian. "Lighter. Clearer."
"Vivian, your ritual will help you show up differently in your marriage to Michelle. I suggest you give yourself space to process our work today. See if you notice anything different over the next few weeks," said Rebecca.
Three months later.
"Hey Vivian, Can you hear me? I've been having an issue with Zoom lately.
"Hi Rebecca! I can hear you," said Vivian
"Viv, you look great, radiant even. How's it by you?" asked Rebecca, "How are things between you and Michelle?"
"The night after I did my ritual, I felt a surge of energy. It's like I stopped carrying around this heavy weight. I think I carried it for a long time. It took some time to process my ritual. I slept a lot. When I was ready, I took Michelle to dinner to tell her about it."
"How did that go?" asked Rebecca
"Great, I told Michelle everything. I started with why I would get angry with her, my triggers, my relationship with my Dad, how she reminds me of him, and my ritual. I even told her I talked to you about leaving her and how you suggested I dig deep and stretch myself versus giving up."
"And how did she respond to that?" asked Rebecca
"It was interesting. Michelle said she noticed there was something different about me. I am calmer, more grounded and confident. All of that surprised me. I mean, our marriage is much better now. I still see some of the behaviors that used to make me crazy. However, now, I can let them go. And I no longer feel small and insignificant when Michelle makes suggestions. I've come to realize that she and I are good partners. The truth is I had some old stuff to deal with, and it was causing issues in our relationship." said Vivian. "My ritual worked! I'm showing up differently in my marriage and my relationship with Michelle better. I also discovered that my trigger used to show up in my professional relationships. However, I seem to have cleared that because those relationships are improving, too."
"Vivian, I am happy that you chose to do a ritual to help you identify, release, and process the stuff that caused issues in your relationship. And that you could stay in your marriage versus ending it."
"Me, too," said Vivian. "I think Michelle would agree with me."
There are many ways to process a potential loss of a relationship like Vivian's. If you or someone you know is processing loss, consider a gift box filled with positive rituals, care, and love. Sometimes, the simple act of giving one of our gift boxes helps someone find a way of processing loss.
Thank you for reading.
Founder @ Robiins
Processing loss. One gift box at a time.™