There are many ways to process the loss of a relationship.
The simplest explanation of the universal law of attraction is that like attracts like. The basic premise is that you draw to yourself that which matches you. If you have a partner, you two were a match at one time. As the relationship evolved, there was a shift or a change. Neither one of you may have been aware of it, but something changed. And now you are no longer a match.
There are thousands of ways either of you could have shifted to cause a change in your relationship. Perhaps there was a shift in a belief, a way of being, or personal goals, or maybe what they desired in a permanent relationship started to differ from what you wanted.
Each relationship, regardless of its outcome, has a purpose. If it was what I call a precursor relationship, one that lacks permanence in its energy, its purpose may be to help you discover what it is that you desire, or do not desire, in a partner. Other times it can be a way for you to learn more about yourself and others. Regardless of the purpose, you drew it to yourself for a reason. Even if it is not obvious, a relationship's purpose can be revealed to you if you are open to admitting the truth about the relationship to yourself.
During a breakup and the transition that follows it, your story in your words and understanding of it is the most important story for you to hear. Staying in your story can help you to sort through the mess of emotions you may be feeling. Your ideas and opinions of yourself are far more important than that of anyone else. When you focus on and stay in your own story, you can start to consciously clear your internal confusion. And you can start to stand in your power again.
I am going to make it about me for a minute. I was codependent, and it took me a long, long time to break that pattern. Over time, I figured out that if I spent too much time on other people’s stories while completely overlooking my own. I was overly concerned about other people's feelings or trying to figure out why they did what they did or what they thought about what I did. I realized that when I ignored my story, I was easily drawn into other people’s stories and their assorted dramas. I discovered that when I stayed in my story, I could see the role I played in a particular situation as well as see the role others played too. Staying in my story, and out of other people's stories, helped me move away from the drama and chaos I had grown accustomed to.
To start becoming aware of your own story, I invite you to write down the story of your relationship in your own words. Revisit the story of how you met, what worked, the story of the change, and what you learned about yourself because of the whole relationship, even stuff you were less thrilled to learn. We all start somewhere.
You can decide how you want to tell your story. You can write in a journal. You can draw. Take pictures. Make a collage. Create a video. Be creative. Be innovative. Be wonderful to you.
Be careful not to write fiction, which is something we’ve all written (on paper and in our minds) at one time or another. You may write fiction to fill spaces, bridge gaps, or create a magical ending. However, fiction makes assumptions, based on wishful thinking or negative speculation, and it usually lacks truth. Stories intended to reflect the self, yet based on fiction promote confusion, chaos, denial, and delusion. And they block you from your emotions, from your truth, and from your real story. Take some time to write your story. Give yourself permission to reach deep inside of yourself to find your truth, and feel the full weight of it. Let go of the fiction, find your truth, and let ‘er rip!
There are many ways to process loss, like revisiting the story of your relationship. If you or someone you know is processing loss, consider a gift box filled with positive rituals, care, and love. Sometimes, the simple act of giving one of our gift boxes helps someone find a way of processing loss.
Thank you for reading,
Founder @ Robiins
Processing loss. One gift box at a time.™