A Lot to Unpack

A Lot to Unpack

by Andrea Tam

There are many ways to process the loss of a relationship.

After 20 years of marriage and three children, Rocco divorced his wife. According to Rocco, the divorce had been in the works for several years. He and his ex-wife chose to stay together until his children had graduated from high school. Rocco's youngest child graduated from high school that spring, so it was time to start creating a new life for himself.

Three years after his divorce, Rocco started dating JoAnn. Before JoAnn, he had dated a former high school sweetheart, but that relationship had not worked out. He referred to that relationship as his 'rebounder.'

His relationship with JoAnn felt different. JoAnn was divorced and had processed it. She knew what she did and did not want in a primary relationship. Rocco admired JoAnn's self-awareness and believed they were a good match.

Rocco and JoAnn dated for four years. In year three, JoAnn asked Rocco if he was interested in them living together. Her youngest would be leaving for college that following year. She would be an empty nester and ready to start a new chapter in her life.

However, Rocco was not ready to take that next step with JoAnn, so she broke up with him. He was shocked. He never expected that from JoAnn.

Rocco told himself and others that JoAnn was unreasonable and impatient.

Without missing a beat, he posted his profile on several dating sites, went to numerous events for singles, and went on a few dates. None of these dates had gone well. He wondered if the dating scene had changed since his divorce or if he had changed.

Rocco heard about a gift box and journal designed to help people process the loss of a relationship, so he ordered one for himself. He was intrigued by it. He spent his weekend doing every exercise in the journal. The journaling helped him process his past relationships. It helped him get clear about what he needed in a relationship, what he needed to let go of, and see that his relationship with JoAnn was worth keeping.  

Rocco wondered if JoAnn would be open to seeing him again, so he texted and asked her to dinner. She declined but agreed to meet him for coffee. 

Rocco was excited and nervous to see JoAnn again. They had been apart for eight months. Rocco walked into the coffee shop. He saw JoAnn sitting at a table with a cup of coffee. Rocco walked briskly to her table without ordering anything. 

He took a big breath, looked into JoAnn's eyes, and said, "JoAnn, I have missed you. I needed some time to figure some things out for myself. I got scared when you asked me to live with you, so I tried to control the situation by making excuses."

JoAnn was speechless. She looked at Rocco and said, "Have you been seeing a therapist? And by the way, get some coffee and come back here. Let's chat."

Rocco went up to the counter and ordered a cup of coffee. He walked back and sat next to Joann. JoAnn turned to look at Rocco and said, "Ok, let's start over again." 

A year later, Rocco and JoAnn are happy and living together.

Rocco's journaling helped him process the loss of his relationship with JoAnn and renew it.

There are many ways to process loss, like Rocco processing the loss of his relationship and then renewing it. If you or someone you know is processing loss, consider a gift box filled with positive rituals, care, and love. Sometimes, the simple act of giving one of our gift boxes helps someone find their way of processing loss. 

Thank you for reading,


Andrea Tam
Founder @ Robiins
Processing loss. One gift box at a time.™




Andrea Tam
Andrea Tam

Author




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