There are many ways to process a loss of a baby.
Amanda and Curt had been dating for four years. Amanda was an Administrative Assistant for an accountant, and Curt worked in logistics for UPS.
In early 2020, Amanda suspected she was pregnant, so she bought a pregnancy test. The following Saturday morning, Curt and Amanda sat patiently in her bathroom awaiting the results. They watched as one blue line appeared and then the other. They both looked at each other in disbelief. Is this real? Was Amanda pregnant? Were they expecting a baby?
Amanda was the first to speak, "Oh my God, Curt, I'm pregnant! I can't believe it!" Curt was so excited that he grabbed her hands. They started jumping up and down, and he said, "We're having a baby! We're having a baby! We're having a baby!"
Later that day, Amanda made an appointment to see her Ob-Gyn doctor in seven weeks. It was Amanda's first pregnancy. She had experienced mild morning sickness and fatigue. Otherwise, she was symptom-free.
Curt joined Amanda for her first prenatal appointment with Dr. Johns, her Ob-Gyn. The doctor did not hear the baby's heartbeat but kept that information to herself, and suggested Amanda have an ultrasound. Curt and Amanda were excited. They wondered if they would get a picture of the baby today to share with friends and family.
"Hi, I'm Jane. I'll be doing your ultrasound this morning." Jane walked into the room where Amanda was lying on an exam table. Jane asked Amanda several questions while she prepped Amanda and adjusted the ultrasound machine for the exam.
"I'm glad to hear that you're having an easy pregnancy. Is this your first ultrasound?" said Jane.
Amanda replied, "Yes, it is. We're excited to see the baby."
"Let's take a look, said Jane.
Jane applied a gel to Amanda's belly. Next, she placed the ultrasound wand in the gel and gently moved it around the belly. Jane watched the monitor and moved the wand over Amanda's belly again. She adjusted the controls on the machine again and again and again.
Jane messaged Amanda's Dr. Johns to come to the exam room asap. In the meantime, she kept trying to get a reading from Amanda's belly. A few minutes later, Dr. Johns knocked on the door and came in.
Jane said, "Amanda. Curt. I asked Dr. Johns to join us. There is no heartbeat and no sign of life. I am sorry."
"No, that can't be! I had morning sickness. The pregnancy test was positive. How can this be happening to me?!" said Amanda.
Curt and Amanda drove home in silence.
A few months later, Amanda suggested to Curt that they do a mourning ritual to help them honor their baby and to process their loss. "I heard about this ritual where we each write a letter to our baby, read them to each other, and then burn it. I think it might help us be able to talk about and process our loss." Curt agreed to participate.
Later that month, on a Sunday afternoon, after it had rained, Curt and Amanda stood on the beach near a lake and read their letters aloud to each other. Amanda was surprised at how emotional Curt got while reading his letter. She had no idea how much losing the baby had affected him. At that moment, Amanda realized that Curt's way of dealing with the loss was to push his feelings down and keep busy. Then Amanda read her letter, and she cried.
Amanda and Curt looked at each other. Their eyes were red from crying, and they hugged each other. Curt took their letters, placed them in a lightweight paper bag, and set them on fire. He dropped them to the ground, and they both watched them burn. "Goodbye, my baby love. We will miss you every day of our lives," said Amanda. She looked at Curt, and their eyes met. He shook his head in agreement.
Curt gently took her hand. They walked back to the car and got in it. Amanda looked out of the window and saw a rainbow in the sky. "Curt! Curt! Look at the rainbow! It's a sign. It means good luck!" said Amanda.
"Hope. I think it means hope," said Curt.
"Do you think it's a sign from the baby?" said Amanda.
Curt smiled. His eyes lit up, and he said, "Yeah, I'm hoping it is."
There are many ways to process loss, like Curt and Amanda's mourning ritual helped them process a loss. If you or someone you know is processing loss, consider a gift box filled with positive rituals, care, and love. Sometimes, the simple act of giving one of our gift boxes helps someone find a way of processing loss.
Thank you for reading,
Founder @ Robiins
Processing loss. One gift box at a time.™